8 New Years Resolutions for INFJs
New Years Resolutions for INFJ types are particularly interesting as we have a deep desire to live a life of purpose and at the start of the New Year that can often be amplified as we reflect on the year past and set goals for the New Year. So where do we begin setting realistic goals that not only align with our values but are attainable?
This post comes to you inspired by “The Good Part” by Liz Lawrence which forms a perfect soundtrack for the INFJ type’s desire to live a life of purpose.
“I wanna live so strong” – Liz Lawrence
WHY IS PURPOSE SO IMPORTANT FOR INFJ TYPES?
For INFJs, money and Employee of the Month simply won’t cut it compared to living their values and principles.
INFJs are driven to see the ideals generated by their dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), come to fruition in the real world.
One of the more common frustrations for this type is the disparity between their idealistic visions and the less than ideal way things tend to play out in reality. That doesn’t just pertain to our careers but to our relationships and self-development.
For instance, those interested in teaching or politics may feel their hands are tied as a result of deeply-entrenched practices or power structures. The INFJ is left with the choice of spending their lives fighting what seems like an uphill battle or to opt for a path of lesser resistance.
Fortunately, INFJ types are resilient, often stubborn but more so we are eternal optimists.
There is something in the depths of our souls that will always know that there is something more beautiful out there not just for us, but for the world we live in.
So I hold onto that sense of purpose you feel deep in your bones, but don’t be so hard on yourself if it doesn’t always work out your way. It is important to remember that we need to focus on what we can control and relinquish what we can’t.
We also need to remember that failure is not only okay but is the best way to learn.
HOW DO WE GIVE OURSELVES THE BEST CHANCE OF ACHIEVING OUR GOALS?
Goals are essentially the outcome of a series of habits or patterns. Want to learn to draw? Start drawing like a kinder-gardener and repeat and repeat until it becomes a skill you have acquired. Goal achieved, yay!
The things with goals, and particularly New Year’s Resolutions, is that they don’t have to be big and shiny. The key is that they align with your true self.
We get so much marketing material thrown at us from the day we are born so it’s easy to believe that those are our goals because the world has subliminally told us that they should be.
Is it really that important to you to pump toxins into your skin or starve yourself so you can look like the models on magazines? Is losing weight, being more sociable or running a marathon actually your goals or is it what the world told us it should be?
Perhaps there is a scenario where you are at peace with exactly who you are? That is where your New Year Resolutions should come from. From deep within your true self. Chances are they are exponentially more likely to be attained.
Here are a few more specific goal-setting tips:
- Make it achievable. Be realistic about how much time and energy you can devote to the goal.
- Give yourself a time frame. For example, set a goal to go for a walk every day for the next 30 days
- Have an accountability partner. Make it a team effort by setting a goal with a friend and holding each other accountable.
- Be specific. Instead of saying you’ll prioritize self-care, set aside 20 minutes every morning to journal and visualize
- Acknowledge your progress. You don’t need to reach the finish line before you can give yourself a pat on the back. Celebrate every step!
7 RESOLUTIONS FOR INFJs IN THE NEW YEAR
Here are seven things I think not just INFJs, but all introverts can focus on in the new year. Things that come from a place within, so feel free to adapt them and change them to suit your truth. So let’s call them fun suggestions.
1. Start putting your self-care first
Often when we have such a sense of purpose, as INFJs do, our energy is predominantly directed outward. Outward towards other people and external progress that we don’t stop often enough to take care of our inner world.
I know you have heard all the cliches under the sun that attest to this. They go something like this:
Don’t sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you can give, and nobody will care for you.Karl Lagerfeld
The key here is to stop being so hard on yourself. As INFJs we have a hard time doing things half-way; we give our all, or we don’t even try. But remember that you do not have to be perfect.
Take a breath and accept you are human, in every way.
From there we can actually start prioritising self-care. Self-care doesn’t mean going to a spa and pampering yourself, though you certainly can do that, self-care is a simple as doing small things that bring you joy and peace.
Go for a walk, take a long bath, read more, cook – do the things that bring you back to you. Make it a priority to allocate time into your schedule for you time. You need you as much as others need you.
2. Let go of unhealthy relationships
Yes, the new year is definitely a time for fresh starts. You can certainly make these changes any day of the year, but you might as well capitalise of the momentum around the New Year.
Sadly, introverts can be targets for toxic or emotionally needy people. Adam S. McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church, explains why:
“Because introverts are typically good listeners and, at least, have the appearance of calmness, we are attractive to emotionally needy people. Introverts, gratified that other people are initiating with them, can easily get caught in these exhausting and unsatisfying relationships.”Adam S. McHugh
Do the words exhausting and unsatisfying relationships call to mind some people in your life? Reflect on those relationships, and consider whether it’s time to back away from those people. You’ll get the bonus of freeing up more time and energy for the people who do fill you up. Letting go can be one of the most rewarding things we do.
3. Build regular alone time into your schedule
We all know us INFJs and Introverts in general need plenty of alone time to recharge our social batteries. Often we aim to carve some time out for ourselves, but life just seems to be so busy all the time. It is therefore important that we physically build this time into our schedules.
In an interview with Indie rocker Jeremy Messersmith about his book, The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World. He spoke about a practice he’s been doing for quite some time: he makes sure he gets enough alone time by scheduling it once a week on the family calendar.
That way his extroverted wife won’t feel hurt when he says he wants to be alone, and they both can work together to protect his restorative solitude by not scheduling other obligations at that time.
Use this alone time not just to recharge, but to strengthen the relationships you have with yourself.
Embrace it. Cherish it. Grow from it.
4. Forgive yourself for the thing you said 3 years ago
Oh boy do we struggle to let things go, especially when it comes to things we felt we did incorrectly. So the new year is a great time to reflect on things wed like to improve on, it’s not a time to count them make a list and then be angry at yourself for the embarrassing things you said three years ago.
It’s a time to reflect and a time to let go. Be kind to yourself and know that all times you were doing the best you knew at the time, that is all all of us do at any given time.
5. Make an effort to connect with the right people.
Here is a fact, introverts don’t like social gatherings. Even extroverted introverts can take so much. As INFJs we aren’t interested in small talk and often find every day water cooler talk dreary and won’t even engage.
We crave deep conversation and to know people on a deeper level, but to get there we must first do the boring bit. Sitting at home won’t get us there, it won’t introduce us to new people. We must therefore make an effort to get to know people, but start by making an effort of getting out there and mingling.
That sounds daunting, but the payoff at the end of the tunnel is this – there are many us out there! There are so many INFJ and introvert types out there just as hungry for good conversation. So we must all agree to at least make some effort. Because when we find those people you wont’t get us to shut up.
Look for groups with similar interest and go from there. The Alien Nation community might be a good start.
6. Less social media/screen time
There is certainly bliss in ignorance, so instead of FOMO go with ignorance is bliss when it comes social media.
This goes hand in hand with self care and scheduling time for yourself. Because when we spend our alone time on social media that is not alone time. That is comparing time, so let it go.
Perhaps consider switching off from all screens and in particular social media an hour after waking up in the morning and an hour before going to bed in the evening.
There is nothing you will be missing out even for an hour a day.
A survey done by The Guardian asked younger readers whether they have quit social media and why, as well as what apps they are ditching. Almost all reported a greater sense of happiness after going offline. Some of the common things they noted were more authentic connection to others and self. It also has shown to have very positive mental health affects.
‘I feel less anxious and less like a failure’Daisy, 23, Manchester
The benefits from starting disconnecting from our phones will have significantly more benefits.
7. Do something silly
INFJs have so many things going in their heads, including wanting to save the world. We often forget to have fun, or feel guilty when not always hustling.
Has someone ever asked you what you do for fun and your answer is something like I just work or read? It is healthy to throw some lightheartedness into the mix and just do something silly, that you can’t overthink.
Have a dance party in your room and dance like the crazy 5 year old inside you. Go do something silly like colour, do something silly like climb a mountain – whatever it is that gets you out of your head. You might be surprised to find that you are having fun.
Often moving your body is catalyst to get out of your head and have some fun.
8. Do a New Year’s Spring Clean and declutter
INFJs can be easily overstimulated by crowded, disorderly spaces, so it’s important to declutter our living environments.
Cleaning out your home will help you have a clear focus for the year ahead.
The first thing that comes to peoples’ minds is to get rid of clothes and shoes they no longer wear. You can pack up the things that you no longer enjoy and donate them to someone who will. Another easy way to declutter is to get rid of knick knacks and décor items that overwhelm your living area.
Get rid of anything that no longer serves a purpose in your life. If the item has sentimental value (as they often do for INFJs), you could take a photo of it before you get rid of it. That way, you’ll always have the memory of it.
KEY TAKEAWAY FOR YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
BE KIND, BE PATIENT
Because we are always in our heads it can often feel like we have already failed at the start of the year for living a life of purpose. Be kind to yourself and be patient.
Start with evaluating your strengths and getting to the root of your core values. Align your decision with them even when you have to make difficult decisions, it will pay off in the long term and you will live a life of purpose.
Purpose is a long term game, it’s not something we write on a list at the start of the year and then fail if we don’t reach them immediately.
Sometimes we just want to skip to the good parts, but we must be patient and trust the process. Work at it every day, it is a non-linear thing finding your purpose and living it every day.